


Messages from Heaven and Notes from Hell

by YoureMySunshine



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ace Omens Discord Challenge, Angels don't know what fish are, Dialogue-Only, Gregorial ships it, Happy Ending, Heaven and Hell's Earth Surveillance System monitors, Jhergkorey is hopeless, M/M, No beta we fall like Crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 17:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21530635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoureMySunshine/pseuds/YoureMySunshine
Summary: Jhergkorey the demon and Gregorial the angel met in 4004 BC, two weeks after the fall of man. They met at a meeting instructing them in how to use the Earth Surveillance System. Now they talk to each other on the software’s messaging system about each millennia’s updates to the software, office gossip, and what they see on Earth. Oftentimes what they see on earth is another angel and demon.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Greg/Jerg
Comments: 29
Kudos: 71
Collections: Ixnael’s Recommendations, Ixnael’s SFW corner, The Ballad of Greg and Jerg





	Messages from Heaven and Notes from Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the AceGoodOmens Discord for the idea, and the support! I never would have buckled down and gotten an account without you guys!
> 
> Edit: The amazing Thimblerig has made a podfic of this story, which can be listened to [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21601018)  
> They did a great job, so give it a listen!

**3004 BC**

Jhergkorey: Hello Gregorial.

Gregorial: Jhergkorey. Did you need something? Has the new update to the system confused you? I see you’ve worked out the chat feature, that’s a strange update. The Lord was apparently insistent.

Jhergkorey: No, I got the update. I wanted to check on how you were logging the meeting between Aziraphale and Crawly in your files? Don't want to miss anything.

Gregorial: I admire your diligence. I feel like there wasn't much to say. Aziraphale correctly discussed the Lord's plan, and dismissed your demon's attempts to make him doubt. Your demon did what could be expected and tried to overturn the Lord's plan, but it seems that he was unsuccessful.

Jhergkorey: Yeah that's about what I have as well. I followed Crawly more carefully and you followed him, obviously, so I wanted to check I hadn't missed anything. Thanks. I feel like we should check in with each other when they meet. It can't hurt to have another pair of eyes recording things, right?

Gregorial: I don't see anything wrong with that, but only when they meet. The records of heaven are not for your eyes.

Jhergkorey: Of course. Talk to you next time, Gregorial. 

**2003 BC**

Jhergkorey: THERE it is!

Gregorial: Oh! Your message popped up! I’ve been looking for the chat feature for the last YEAR.

Jhergkorey: This update is frustrating. Everything has been scrambled.

Gregorial: Well, we did the last update and your lot did this one.

Jhergkorey: Blame Hastur, he was in charge. Forget it, I'll do the next Hellish update on my OWN

Gregorial: Let's go over what we've figured out so far. Together we can learn the new system, right?

**1004 BC**

Gregorial: Jerkorey?

Gregorial: ^Jhergkorey, my apologies.

Gregorial: I wanted to check how you found the new system.

Jhergkorey: well it tried to blast me with heavenly light at first. So.

Gregorial: WHAT. My apologies. You know what, since you are taking over Hellish updates, I'll do the next Heavenly one as well. I must blame Sandalphon, he did take an undue interest in the system update.

Jhergkorey: But then we'll be the only two people who can use the system, or even look at things.

Gregorial: Well no one else has ever asked to see anything. I think it will be fine. And we'll be able to avoid heavenly light shining at you... and hellish glow for me. I'd hate for your lot to retaliate; we both have to use the system.

Jhergkorey: I guess so. 

**0004 AD**

Gregorial: Excellent new system.

Jhergkorey: Thank you. I’ve added a new feature! I call it “screenshots,” you can save an image and file it for future reference. Here’s one I took to show you:

Jhergkorey: File attachment: Image_Sky_Lights

Gregorial: Jhergkorey, that’s beautiful! Where did you get this picture?

Jhergkorey: I noticed that sometimes, there’s lights in the sky in the northern areas. It looks even better when it’s moving, like something alive and beautiful in the sky.

Gregorial: Would you mind showing me next time you see them? I’d like to watch the light move with you.

Jhergkorey: That sounds wonderful. I’ll let you know when I see them again. 

**33 AD**

Gregorial: That was quite a meeting! I didn't realize Crowley was the demon you sent to tempt the Messiah.

Jhergkorey: Yes, we wanted someone on the ground who knew how humans think. The way Crawly spun it though... We just told him to tempt the Messiah. He spoke to the angel as if there was more.

Gregorial: Crowley. And I've noticed that he does seem to speak differently to Aziraphale.

Jhergkorey: Oh yeah, he changed it.

Jhergkorey: His "angel" you mean.

Gregorial: That's exactly what I mean! You saw when he met Gabriel back in Nazareth. Not a hint of "angel" or even "archangel" there! Just... well, curses, really.

Jhergkorey: Yeah.

Gregorial: It's nice, you know? How they have words just for each other.

Jhergkorey: Yes, I suppose.

Gregorial: While we’re on the subject of Gabriel, what _is_ a “wanker”?

Jhergkorey: You need to listen to the humans talk too Gregorial, not just Aziraphale. Let’s go through this century’s new slang…

**37 AD**

Jhergkorey: Greggorial, I can't stand it. The humans are all. asleep. the agents are. asleep. It’s summer so the sky lights are asleep. And I am not allowed to sleep. In case, I don’t know, an evil fish does something demonic I have to log.

Gregorial: It's one G, please, in my name

Jhergkorey: Oh pardon meee, regorial?

Jhergkorey: greorial?

Gregorial: You know what I mean.

Jhergkorey: It's an awful lot to type, is all I'm saying. Couldn't I shorten it?

Gregorial: Everyone here calls me Gregorial.

Jhergkorey: You have people come and talk to you? I am off on my own.

Gregorial: Well. Not exactly. But if they do, they would call me Gregorial.

Jhergkorey: How about just "Greg"? that's got TWO Gs!

Gregorial: You're incorrigible.

Jhergkorey: You can call me "Jerg," that simplifies things, yes?

Gregorial: Fine. Back to staring at Aziraphale carve letters into stone, I suppose.

Jhergkorey: Crawly's asleep. Mind if I keep chatting, Greg?

Gregorial: I suppose. 

**41 AD**

Jerg: Heads up, I think Crowley is headed to Rome. That's where your man is now?

Greg: It is indeed. Thanks for the warning. I'll be ready to compare notes with you after their meeting.

Jerg: Sounds good

**41 AD**

Jerg: He was in a temper though, wasn't he!

Greg: Aziraphale was as a tempter, though ;)

Greg: :)

Greg: That was quite a look between them. I feel like fanning myself.

Jerg: They always look at each other like that. When's the last time you saw another person?

Greg: We had an office party when the Messiah was born.

Jerg: We had one after the arc.

Greg: Heavens, it's been awhile!

**537 AD**

Jerg: Greg. Did you see them

Greg: Oooooomg I did. They are so cute!

Jerg: Cute? I guess. I was wondering what we should do.

Greg: ...I don't want to do anything. I want to see where it goes.

Jerg: Really? That doesn't go against orders for you?

Greg: I feel like some things might be worth it, don't you?

Jerg: There's definitely some things that are worth it.

Jerg: I won’t say a word. Now tell me about those fish you said you saw in the Mariana trench.

Greg: Oooh, they were large, and it’s hard to tell with the camera, but they looked almost _orange_! And they had huge ears.

Jerg: Why are there orange fish down there?

Greg: Heaven knows

Greg: I mean. We do know.

Greg: We have a filing cabinet somewhere listing things like that.

Jerg: Want to look it up?

Greg: Oh, I couldn’t abandon my desk.

Jerg: I can pull double duty for a few minutes, if you like. Watch Aziraphale and Crowley, give you a minute to stretch your legs.

Greg: Oh, thank you. I’ll be right back!

Greg: Jerg?

Jerg: Right here! You didn’t miss much. Aziraphale tried to take off his armor and fell down.

Greg: Oh, nothing to report then. But the fish is orange because it’s the favorite color of one of the archangels! Guess which one.

Jerg: Oh, I couldn’t guess. Sandalphon?

Greg: You’re correct

Jerg: He does seem like orange is his favorite color somehow.

Greg: If you ever need me to watch Crowley for you, just let me know. Especially if they’re close together – I want to see how this goes!

Jerg: Thank you. Of course. 

**1004 AD**

Jerg: Love the picture feature on the chat!

Greg: This way we can at least see pictures of each other.

Jerg: Heh. Yeah. That picture of you from the office party... those four thousand years treated you well. Let me put up mine.

Greg: Thank you.

Greg: Where is this picture from?

Jerg: It's in my office. Um. No other pictures, I'm afraid.

Greg: You look lovely.

Jerg: Tanhks.

Jerg: Thanks.

Jerg: Now where did the screenshot tool go?

**1793 AD**

Greg: Jerg, thank you for the food. I don't know how you sent it up here, it was kind of you.

Jerg: Don't mention it.

Greg: CAN YOU TALK THOUGH

Jerg: I'm always free for you

Greg: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhh they're so cute

Greg: DID you SEE how he LOOKED at him

Jerg: Which one? they both looked at each other!

Greg: You jerk, you didn’t tell me Crowley was on his way to Paris! I was on the EDGE OF my SEAT!

Jerg: Might have given him a bit of a nudge when you let me know how Aziraphale was doing. Wanted to surprise you.

Greg: You spoil me. I'm so grateful it all worked out.

Greg: And they had crepes, I love it

Jerg: I thought you might. It's nice of Crowley to always treat Aziraphale.

Greg: It IS, isn't it. So in love. 

**1862 AD**

Greg: DID YOU SEE THAT CONVERSATION THOUGH

Jerg: Crowley seems like such a jerk, how could he put Aziraphale on the spot like that?

Greg: NO AZIRAPHALE SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO HIM, HOW COULD HE NOOOOT

Jerg: Fraternizing

Greg: DON'T YOU DARE

Jerg: Sorry.

Greg: I just can’t. Oh. I need to lay down. Can you distract me Jerg? I don’t think watching Aziraphale cry over that new _Les Misérables_ will make me feel better.

Jerg: I took some screenshots of Princess Alice’s wedding for you, I know you were sad to miss it when Aziraphale was inspiring Lincoln for those railroads.

Greg: Oh thank you! Royal weddings <3

**1939 AD**

Greg: I can't stand it anymore Jerg. They need to get back together. Aziraphale drank thirty cups of cocoa today. THIRTY. I am bored

Jerg: Today Crowley got up, glued a coin to the ground, and went back to sleep.

Greg: How can we get them back together?

Jerg: You have an idea don't you.

Greg: I've written 97 fanfictions of them getting back together. Please read and let me know which ones you like. We will go from there.

File attached: Husbands1-97

Jerg: ok

**1940 AD**

Jerg: You really like the long-awaited meetings, don't you? And the presents.

Greg: Yes.

Jerg: Just noticed the... similarities. Thanks for sending these.

Jerg: I think either the Nazis in the church or the parade with the King. Not gonna lie, escaped zoo animals was my favorite and the coffee shop AUs were darling, but I can't see how we could pull them off.

Greg: ohhh Nazis in the church please

Jerg: I'll see what I can do. 

**1941 AD**

Greg: Did you hear the music I played over them? Burning church around them.

Jerg: Yes. It was lovely

Greg: I wrote it for them. I knew you would like it. 

**1950 AD**

Jerg: File attachment: Sound clip

Greg: oh

Greg: Jerg that's beautiful.

Jerg: For you. 

**1967 AD**

Greg: I am ON THE FLOOR

Greg: you go to fast for me

Greg: you go to fast for me

Greg: you go to fast for me

Greg: you go to FAST FOR ME

Greg: HOW COULD HE. Doesn't he KNOW I have a HEART

Greg: AND SO DOES CROWLEY

Greg: Although Crowley needs to cut his hair. Or grow it. Just, anything but what it is now.

Jerg: I can't stand it.

Jerg: At least they talked

Jerg: And Aziraphale gave him the holy water.

Greg: Yes, but the looks they gave each other! It’s so sad. Why can’t they just be together?

Jerg: I agree 100%. Why can’t an angel and a demon just be together?

**1967 AD**

Greg: Love your new profile picture Jerg! Did you cut your hair?

Jerg: Yeah, felt like a change. You should get a new picture too! I’d like to see how you look now.

Greg: Other than desolated?

Greg: I took this picture myself, so sorry for the poor quality.

Jerg: You look wonderful.

**2004 AD**

Jerg: Not a lot of changes to the program.

Greg: Want to watch _MESSENGER_ launch tomorrow? The humans are going for Mercury now!

Jerg: Sounds like a plan. 

**2008 AD**

Jerg: Greg wake up

Greg: I don't sleep.

Jerg: Greg. Crowley's got the antichrist.

Greg: WHAT. Is this why I saw Gabriel there earlier today?

Jerg: Probably. It looks like Crowley is headed over to Aziraphale’s now. Baby’s been delivered. 

**2008 AD**

Greg: Look how Crowley’s looking at him. He’s leaning forward. He’s gonna go for it. Aziraphale just finished his meal, everything is “scrumptious” (bet you a dollar he’ll call it scrumptious), and Crowley tells him.

Jerg: If he goes for it it’ll be at the bookshop tonight. In vino veritas. He will wait for privacy

Greg: No, you can’t look at someone like that and NOT go for it. He WILL say something!

Jerg: Yeah. Someone who feels that strongly must… say something.

Greg: He said scrumptious! You owe me a dollar

Jerg: I never agreed to that!

**2008 AD**

Jerg: This is going to end badly.

Greg: They have a chance

**2019 AD**

Jerg: If this doesn’t work out and we have to fight

Greg: Please don't. It will work out.

Jerg: I just want you to know that you are very special to me

Greg: You as well. You're the best screen partner I could wish for. 

**2019 AD**

Greg: JERG SOS

Jerg: What??

Greg: Michael came to see me

Jerg: I mean, that’s good? Seeing more people.

Greg: She asked me for pictures of Aziraphale.

Jerg: …No

Greg: The only pictures I have of him at this point are him and Crowley gazing at each other.

Jerg: SHOOT, you ok?

Greg: I played it off as if the system took automatic pictures and I didn’t know what Crowley looked like. And didn’t notice that he didn’t age.

Jerg: Dodged a bullet. I’m glad you’re ok, would hate to have to storm heaven for you

Greg: Don’t be ridiculous. But now she knows about Aziraphale and Crowley! What should we do?

Jerg: I don’t know how much we can do. You’re definitely being watched more now, and… my door has actually been welded shut for the last 2000 years. I can’t get in or out.

Greg: I’m so sorry to hear that. If you ever need a helping hand to bust you out, send a word.

Jerg: We’ll just have to wait and see how the next week goes. 

**2019 AD**

Greg: THEY DID IT

**2019 AD**

Greg: They switched places. The cameras are set on automatic follow for Aziraphale for me, Crowley for you. Switch to manual so you follow "Crowley" and I'll follow "Aziraphale".

Jerg: Good luck. 

**2019 AD**

Greg: They did it. They made it. They're together

Jerg: Yeah. Well let’s keep chatting, right? Write some “After the Apocalypse” fiction? See how they act without Heaven and Hell “looking over their shoulders” as we keep on looking?

Greg: Actually Jerg, I'm being reassigned. There's not an earth agent to track. The system is being disabled.

Jerg: Oh. When?

Greg: Tomorrow. I don't know when I'll see you. or hear from you again.

Jerg: Are you ok?

Greg: No.

Jerg: I wonder if my system will still be up. If it goes down, what will happen to us?

Greg has signed off.

Jerg: I’ll storm heaven if you ask.

Jerg has signed off.

**2019 AD, Next Day**

_Hello new earth agents. You have already met once, but we thought you might appreciate knowing that you will now be more face-to-face enemies. You've both been assigned to earth. We trust your observation has allowed you to learn how to operate. and, I’m afraid the systems you two wrote have been disabled. We believe the antichrist did something to the systems. Please send in your written reports promptly on the first of every year, and take these pamphlets to see your new job benefits…_

**Author's Note:**

> The Northern lights were recorded in 2,600 B.C. (I was worried they might be a biproduct of pollution and didn’t appear before that, but no, the sky just does that). In 1862, Les Misérables came out, and on July 1st Princess Alice got married and Lincoln authorized the construction of the first Transcontinental Railroad. In 2004, NASA launched the unmanned MESSENGER spacecraft, its mission was the study of Mercury. 
> 
> The fish they were discussing is the Dumbo Octopus (or a relative because evolution). Technically not a fish, but it seems like Angels and Demons don’t have a great grasp on what a fish is.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[PODFIC] Messages from Heaven and Notes from Hell, by YoureMySunshine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21601018) by [Thimblerig](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thimblerig/pseuds/Thimblerig)




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